One of the things that I regularly recommend to my clients is that they find at least 1 trusted friend. We all need someone that we can confide in, someone that will hold us when we just cannot keep up anymore. Someone that will not shame you and that won’t make you feel worse than you already do.
Do you have that person? It took me many years to find that person(s). As transparent as I might be, as many “friends” as I have I just don’t open up about real personal things to just anyone. My sister in law has always joked about me having a lot of friends or knowing a lot of people. It’s interesting to think about because truthfully out of all the people that “I know,” there’s only like 2-3 people (outside of my husband) that I can call on and pour my heart out to.
I don’t believe that you should share your heart to just anyone. Not everyone can provide the support that you need. Not everyone is meant to be that person for you. What you carry is personal, it’s a gift and it needs to be handled with care. So, don’t let just anybody in but do let someone in…
I say all that to say how encouraged I was recently when talking to one of my people. I was sharing my heart about imperfection and how it’s one of my areas. Meaning, I’m on the journey of finding contentment in the area of my imperfection. Being okay with not having everything in order. Being okay with missing the mark. She told me that I’m a perfectionist. No I’m not. Okay, yes I am. Like I shared in my last blog, I go hard in everything that I do. So, when I don’t feel like I’ve nailed something I go hard on myself just the same way. What a sucky thing, right?
I was at a training last week and the speaker was talking about the importance of having a balanced life. One of the questions that she asked was, “Would you want your child to live your life the way it is right now?” OH MAN. No, actually I would not. Not because I don’t love my life or my career. I truly thank God for my marriage. I can’t even dream of anything better. My career involves walking with people on their journey to internal healing, HOW AWESOME IS THAT? I’m honestly doing my dream job. There is not another career that I would want to have. So why would I not want this for my children? I pray that my children would be treated by their spouses with an overflow of love, respect and joy. I desire for them to have big visions, to live a life of purpose, and to care about others. What I don’t want for them is to run themselves so hard that they have nothing left. I don’t want them to carry stress, I want them to love hard, to love themselves so much that they actually do put themselves and their health first. I don’t want them to strive for perfection or to lack grace for themselves. I want them to be okay with missing the mark. To be okay with imperfection. And to continually remember that there is only One who is perfect. I have a long way to go.
So, how do we become okay with imperfection? How am I navigating contentment in my imperfection?
First of all, my people know that I am striving on being less: less busy, less of everything and more chill. I want a simple life. Simple doesn’t mean boring. I want my life to be full. To be full of love, laughter and God. For me that means less of everything else.
With that, I have my tribe that keep me accountable and are real with me when they see me striving for that impossible mark. I’m not offended when my support says, “You need to chill out.“ I need honesty, I need folks who will call me out in love because they care about me. That’s where you let people in (spouse or trusted friend.) Be real about your struggles with perfectionism. Being real does not make you weak! What a beautiful example to show our children that we are a work in progress yet we are not failures! Also, when you’re real with others you learn that you are not alone!
Secondly, I’m focusing more on journaling and praying for this specifically. I am going back to making more consistent time unraveling busy. Go back to the drawing board. Sit down with a pad of paper, a candle, your bible, some scriptures and pray or write. It’s amazing what you can gather in that quiet time. I have experienced life changing moments in my alone time. I’m able to hear better and “see” me during these moments.
Thirdly, breathe and breathe a lot. When you find yourself in that perfectionist state pull yourself out and take a moment. Be reminded that perfectionism is unrealistic and it’s unhealthy. Work hard in all that you do but don’t lose yourself in the midst. Don’t be a “success” at the expense of yourself or your family. Your family should never trail behind. N E V E R.
Lastly, ask yourself: Would I want my kids living my life? If not, then the time is now to make some moves. Be encouraged today knowing that you (too) don’t have to be perfect. Just be content in your imperfection. It’s beautiful, it’s real and it’s totally okay!